True confessions time:
Heading out to White Deer, TX from the San Antonio area many many moons ago (Pre-windmill farm in White Deer). West on I10 to Junction, then north on 83. Stopped in Junction for lunch, big new BBQ place on the left. Got a nice BBQ turkey sandwich with fixins. Rest of the trip to Amarillo was uneventful... Until about 0200.
BAD FOOD!
Woke up feeling woozy, and sat up. Cold spit running around my back teeth, and that is the tell. I'd rather nearly die than puke, but today wasn't that day. Got up and eased into the bathroom, and took the plastic bag out of the trash can.... Gut started really rumbling.... Like an old, cold diesel engine that is just barely loping on a couple cylinders on a freezing cold morning. This isn't gonna be pretty.
When I barf, it sounds like I'm being squeezed in half. It's a lower pitch or register than bagpipes, but it's loud and it hurts like blazes. Que the conductor in 3, 2, 1..... For 20 minutes I'm blowing out both ends and it sounds horrible to me. Smells worse. Finally get to bed and sort of to sleep about 0330. Passing thoughts about waking up the neighbors....
Next day, out to White Deer on 60. I drove from spot to spot. "I can make that bush..... okay passed it. Can I make that sign? Yep." I figured I'd have seconds to stop, get out, and shuck my pants to dump out if I had to. Gut malfunction. rumbling idle like a Ford 427 with a full race cam. Made it to the tower I was looking for near Skellytown. Whew, didn't think I would without a stop.
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| Cow pasture tower site |
Ease open the pasture gate, and up to the tower base and repeater shelter. Unload and start the tune up..... when the flag went up. Ran to the front of the truck, shucked the pants, cows all around looking at me like "WHAT IS THAT???" And the valve went to full open. Gut cramps, smells, sounds, and me just happy I made it the 20 feet to the front of the truck. After a few minutes of making sure I didn't slip and fall into the offal, I looked up and there wasn't a cow in sight. I didn't realize you could offend a cow's olfactories.
That device in the picture would have been too slow to deploy that day. I guess for scheduled maintenance, it might work. But for an emergency blow, any port in the storm.
With coveralls, thermal underwear, and too strong of an urgency, there isn't enough time to shed it all. Been there, cut away the t-shirt.
ReplyDeleteYup, I was really fortunate that it was in summer. I just had to shuck and brace. I did have an unfortunate midnight in Boy Scout camp. I no more than woke up, and attempting to sit up caused the relief valve to purge. I thought those long underwear were done for. But they survived as did the sleeping bag. My innards finally calmed down a day or two later. That was.... surprising to say the least.
DeleteA few years back, I read about an aviator crewman that got airsick, pulled his flight suit open at the neck and yakked down into it, so he didn't have to clean up the helicopter. The aircrew were in awe of the sheer MANLINESS of that act after landing. Earned him a job some years later working for the pilot at a civilian job.
The earth suit we have is a weird chemical / mechanical device when it works as designed. Weird and wonderful....
Try doing it in a Fighter. Flight suit zipped up front, G-suit, strapped in to the seat, with a belt around your waist dn shoulder straps on. Then knowing you've got 5 hours remaining until you reach the nearest base.
ReplyDeleteI'll leave specific details to the imagination.
I can't imagine that. I had a hard enough time imagining a relief tube on the P-47. But that is part of the sound of freedom. If you have the ability to fly a ship like that, pooping your suit is just part of the "Aim High" adventure. Diaper rash from a long sit cannot be fun. Is that why negative G's are limited? Or is it "really" an airframe issue? ;) I bet that lower trunk part of the speed jeans is really just like sitting on an open tube of tooth paste.... okay, I need to belay the imagination.... Is that where the term mud mover came from????
DeleteSelf esteem took a few hits on that one. Deployed 24 F-4E's from Moody AFB, Valdosta GA to Taegu AB ROK. 3 hops, Moody to Hickam HI, Hickam to Kadena AB OKinawa (which is the hop the event took place) and a short 3 hour hop Kadena to Taegu.
DeleteBTW, it wasn't me. But I was about 6' in front of him.
That is worse, if you nose got a hold of it. Once I smell it, I can't NOT smell it for quite a while. Everything is suspect at that point.
DeleteOh man, that was bad!
ReplyDeleteThe return trip was the most miserable I'd been up to that point. I'm setting new records now. But that gut ache was rough for a couple days.
DeleteI was waiting for you to say, "600 feet up the tower and mother nature called" Lol.
ReplyDeleteThank God, no. I was providing ground support for my buddy in Houston once, when he blew chunks at about 600'. He wolfed down 2 bananas and a 32 ounce of coffee right before he headed up. Wind was stiff enough that it was mostly mist by the time it hit the dirt, and was well outside the fence.
DeleteNow, Charles had a story about the deuce from on high. Charles was a brown water Navy vet from Viet Nam days. He taught the "cuss like a sailor 101" for them, I'm sure. When he wired a site, antenna 1, went through portal 1 on coax 1 into combiner 1 on port 1. And his coax runs looked like poetry. He's meeting senior vp-types at one of his quality installs, when a tower climber drops trou on the candelabra and a massive landslide impacts in front of them. Charles didn't even finish his sentence. He got back in his truck, drove off and left every one standing there..... I'm surprised he didn't cuss that pile out enough to have it fly back up and hide where it came from.
I remember seeing this somewhere.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.amazon.com/Bumper-Dumper-Original-Mountable-Portable/dp/B006IVN03O
Luke and Susie spend some time explaining what you need to go on the go.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grQzkrJVsnU&t=433s
I've not every been seasick, but certain amusement park rides have put me right at the edge.
The worst amusement park offenders are those motion simulator rides.
Understood. I've been motion sick twice. Once at Six Flags in Arlington on a spinning ride where the floor drops and you stay stuck to the wall. And once in a puddle jumper between DEN and FMN in winter turbulence. Never yakked, just got woozy. Rode a dinner cruise in San Fran bay on a choppy night, no problems. It is kinda strange how the old meat sack operates.
DeleteSTxAR - Having recently returned from a "no facilities at all" hike, I have a new appreciation for this. Things got a bit dicey at the end of the trip, but we made it out before serious issues ensued. I had the medication even; I am taking it a great deal earlier next time.
ReplyDeleteDad went through basic in '55-56. They still did catholes on the march. he taught me a lot of that stuff when I started scouts. I can still take a bath in a tin pot. I know how to make a campfire in a high wind and cathole my offscour. I don't know if that's kosher on a federal park, but it IS good info to have to hand. Pooping in a cow pasture wasn't worth the effort to bury. I had their leavings all over my feet before I left.
DeleteI even like the perfume of real cow flop and horse biscuits. And scour is positively delightful. I don't understand that in the least. I also like the smell of Peppy Le Pew's cologne. Very strange. The old head is wired atypically for sure and for certain.
Glad you made it back safely. Some folks wind up falling into eternity out there.
Nausea used to be like that for me too. A round with Mt. Saint Helen's disease would leave me exhausted and spent. But I learned a mental trick: accept the nausea and roll with it. Your body is doing this because it is trying to protect itself. Puke yourself out, loud and proud - you'll save all kinds of strength to be used on bearing the other miseries...
ReplyDeleteI don't remember any of my siblings yakking as hard and loud as I do. It would leave me spent. Mom, bless her memory, would take a cool rag and hold my forehead, and back of my neck, because I would be sweating profusely by the time I was empty. I did that for my wife and kids too. I remember how much comfort that gave me when I was down. I have tried to relax and just let it go, but my innards are violent when they blow.... either end. It's always cramps and massive muscle efforts, and being wrung out after.
DeleteFirst time I yakked after getting married, I heard the front door slam. I was on my own. She couldn't deal with it, so I did. Even with the little ones.
I only recently heard of Mt. Saint Helen's disease. Isn't that a respiratory issue? Maybe coughing so much you started retching? I need enlightenment on that subject.
Mount Saint Helen’s is a polite way to refer to projectile vomiting and/or explosive diarrhea…😆
DeleteA lot of people get squeamish around vomit and shite. I don’t even necessarily need rubber gloves anymore. I clean it up, wash up everything and life goes on. I’m a farm kid.
Too funny! It's an eruption! Got it! Yup, after a while, you get enured to it. I still don't have tub drain hair removal immunity. That is so yucky it blows right through my defenses.
DeleteAt least you didn't stop in Amarillo and do the 72 oz steak dinner beforehand.
ReplyDeleteNo, I've never been to that spot. Seemed a bit seedy. I'm not against seedy, but I-40 seedy is it's own category. The Chinese buffet we ate at in Houston had spongy floors, and was lit poorly, but the food was amazing and I never got sick there. It was always piping hot, too.
DeleteHappened to me twice. A mild case from boiled peanuts that I bought at a Jacksonville FL flea market - I should know better.
ReplyDeleteThe second time was serious. Roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans on the side. 3:00 AM and I ralphed until nothing came up, then had dry heaves on and off for a half hour. Meantime I was projectile vomiting out of the south end, including dry runs. Temp rose to 104.
Two weeks sick, before I could sort of get back to work.
That is no fun. An old boss ate at the company cafeteria, and got Emergency Room sick that night. He was on IV antibiotics for a while. Bad food is poison, plain and simple. And folks that don't know their business are potentially murderers. Not a laughing matter when the gut quakes start.
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